(Written
and posted 18 April 2022)
A mother in Kenosha, Wisconsin, is suing Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, claiming that if her teenage son had not used the social media sites, he would not have committed suicide. He loved his family, cars, and the outdoors, the suit says, and if not for social media, would never have even considered suicide. After all, he was that easily swayed, that social media caused him to be depressed. The late Robin Williams, who battled depression and ended up committing suicide, once famously said, “People don’t fake depression…they fake being okay.” Perhaps the young teenager was actually depressed the whole time, and faked being okay?
In Kentucky, a man just won a $450,000 judgment against his former employer for throwing him a surprise birthday party after he asked them not to. The man suffers from anxiety and panic attacks, and new that such events would trigger it. His employer completely ignored his request (because obviously it is “all in his head”), threw the party anyway, triggered a panic attack, and the man ended up seeking refuge in his car. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they then disciplined him for his panic attack, which triggered another panic attack, and fired him. The company’s justification was that the man posed a physical threat to his coworkers. The jury did not buy the excuse, and awarded the man the judgment due to the discrimination due to his disability that he encountered.
Throughout my life, I have always had problems with conflict, especially being called into a supervisor’s office – I feel physically ill, and I have had suicidal thoughts. All I have even been told is that it is “all in my head”, that I am just making it up, overreacting, and I need to grow up and come to grips with things. Six years ago, things got so bad that I was in a state of paralysis where I could not leave my house except for necessities such as picking up children from school and buying food. I went to the company employee assistance program, which like most employee assistance programs I have utilitized, was a complete joke – I was basically told I was nuts and could never work again. I had involuntary twitches so bad that I could not hold a cup of coffee without it spilling. I stopped shaving, not because I suddenly wanted to grow a beard, but because the twitching was so bad that I would have seriously injured myself trying. My employer decided that because I would have to go on long term disability, they would eliminate my position altogether and with it my insurance. I did recover, was successfully about to complete my dissertation, and have been a productive member of society since. I felt despair and completely alone, and it was my family, and knowing how devastated they would be if I gave up on life, that got me through it. It was hell.
It took four years, and quite a few medical tests, including brain scans and a spinal tap, for the medical professionals to determine that I did not have a stroke, a heart attack, or any purely physical ailment. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Suddenly, it all made sense. PTSD is not just “in my head” but also a real medical condition that can result in panic attacks and other physical manifestations when triggered. I have not served in the military, but PTSD does not discriminate; it is not just for those who have been in combat. When you have been abused or bullied, as I have been, you can get PTSD.
I have been roundly criticized for not wanting to go to parties or other events with large crowds of people crammed into a small space; I am an aloof snob, I have been told. I cannot tell you how many times employers have disciplined me for not wanting to participate in group activities; obviously, I am anti-social and flawed, and need to take “corrective action”. How do you take “corrective action” for anxiety? Avoiding situations, like crowded rooms, is a good way to start. I have had people comment that I don’t act like someone who has anxiety or depression issues; how is such a person supposed to act?
Like Robin Williams pointed out, I it easy to lie about being okay. Why do that? Well, I don’t want sympathy, and I certainly don’t want stupid platitudes like “I don’t know why you are depressed; you have so much to live for” or my favorite, “You should pray more”. Unless you know what it is like to go out on a beautiful sunny day and have suicidal thoughts running through your head, then don’t give advice, because anyone who suffers from anxiety, panic, or depression would never say such platitudes.
Anyone who claims that depression and suicidal thoughts are the result of outside influences such as social media is just plain cruel; I cannot control my depression any more than I can control my deafness. (I have been told I am faking that, too.) If you are not willing to accommodate someone with anxiety, panic, PTSD, or other mental health disorders, then don’t provide an elevator to those in a wheelchair, make them use the stairs; it is the same thing. We have real disabilities, and to pretend that we don’t, that somehow it is all a choice, is the same as pretending that the blind person can choose not to be blind.