“The Fine Print”, by Michael Schrader

 

Golfing With Henry Fonda

 

(Written and posted 14 April 2003.)

 

I had an opportunity to do something this past weekend that I haven’t done in years – play golf.  I must admit -- it was the most enjoyable game of golf that I have had in probably over 10 years.  The course was not crowded like so many public courses these days.  I didn’t have to make an appointment or wait an hour to tee off.  I just paid my fee, and blammo!  Tee time!  It kind of takes the fun out of the game when you have to wait for what seems like an eternity to even get on the tee, and when you do, you have a bunch of cranky people behind you pressuring you to hurry up because they are also tired of waiting for their turn to tee off.  Spontaneity is the spice of life, and it is quite hard to be spontaneous when you have to make an appointment.

 

Those that were on the course were polite and patient.  That is something that is unheard of in this day and age.  The last time I played golf I had to contend with Tiger Woods wannabes who had nothing better to do than scowl at my woefully pathetic golf skills.  I have even had people comment that because I am basically a beginner, I shouldn’t be on a golf course until I get better.  Of course, it remains to be seen how you can get better at something without actually doing it, but that is just a minor thing.  You are not supposed to play golf on any real course unless you are ready to compete in the Masters!

 

Finally, I did not have to pay two-weeks salary to play.  At most courses these days, just a round of golf can set you back $50.  When you play on a course that is at the end of a gravel road running through a trailer park, green fees are much more reasonable, say the equivalent of a couple of McDonald’s burgers.  I don’t know about you, but I am more than willing to trade a couple of McDonald’s hamburgers for six hours of enjoyment of a beautiful day.

 

I think the thing that made this particular golf game so enjoyable was the company that I played with.  I had intended to play by myself.  As I was getting ready to tee off, I met up with three older gentlemen who invited me to play.  Now let me just say that I am so bad, very few people ever invite me to play, for most are embarrassed to play with someone of my woeful ability.  Since these gentlemen did not know my past golfing history, I think that they thought that being a man in my thirties I would be decent and a worthy addition to their trio.  It took one hit off of the first tee to prove them wrong.  You see, I, a man of thirty-seven, was outdriven by men of seventy-three, seventy-six, and eighty-six.  I thought for sure that they would decide that I was so bad that my invitation to play would be revoked.  It wasn’t.

 

I partnered with the eighty-six year old, who looked and sounded a lot like Henry Fonda in “On Golden Pond”.  Just as Fonda’s Norman Thayer took it upon himself to teach young Billy not just about fishing, but about life, this gentlemen, who had the same mannerisms as Fonda’s Thayer, took it upon himself to teach young Michael not just about golf, but about life.  After six hours and twenty-seven holes, I find myself felling better about myself that I have in a long, long time.  I guess that life has a way of making you so jaded, so cynical, that you tend to lose focus of what it is all about.

 

I spent six hours playing with three gentlemen who were far better than I, but who never looked down on me or were bitingly critical.  Instead, what I heard were words of encouragement, pointers on how to improve.  I heard that while perfection is okay to strive for, we will stumble and fall numerous times along the way, and that we should never dwell on our failures.  Once you’ve made a bad shot, it is over, there is nothing you can do about it, so go on to the next and try your best.  As I was told, “you will have good shots, and you will have bad shots; be proud of the good ones, and don’t worry about the bad.”

 

Driving around the gold course for six hours brought back fond memories of those times when my father and I would play on these out-of-the-way courses that have long been destroyed to make way for yet more upscale multi-family housing, neither one of us caring how well or poorly we were playing, but savoring every moment of life along the way.

 

Reflecting on how much I enjoyed my day, it makes me sad to see how the fun has been taken out of just about every single sporting activity.  Sports just aren’t fun anymore.  There is so much emphasis on winning that we have lost the ability to actually enjoy playing sports.  Ask just about any kid these days if they enjoying playing sports, and I think the overwhelming majority would say no.  And who can blame them.  After all, it is no fun sitting on the bench.  I know; I have been there.  It is no fun being publicly berated by an adult.  I speak from experience on that one, too.

 

I have been appalled by what I have seen the past several years.  I have seen coaches encourage kids to play dirty or to cheat.  I have seen good coaches, coaches that actually care about the kids and teaching them skills, callously discarded like a sack of dog doo-doo because they didn’t win enough.  Forget teaching the love of a game, sportsmanship, effort, and teamwork, it’s all about winning.  I had a softball coach tell me the other day that he has kids on his team that have played five years that don’t know how to hit properly, because they were never taught how to.  If you don’t come out of the womb a superstar, then you are relegated to being a bench warmer, never to be acknowledged.  We don’t want “diamonds in the rough”; it takes too much time to polish them.

 

I remember in college that there were several of us that comprised our dormitory bowling team for three years.  For the first two years, we stunk.  The third year, however, we gelled as a team, and made the playoffs.  Our reward for making the playoffs was being dumped for guys with better averages to “bring home a championship.”  Sure, the scabs won the championship, but the bitterness and hard feelings resulted never did go away.  The championship was Phyrric, at best.

 

Up until this past weekend, I was starting to doubt whether anyone cared about effort and sportsmanship anymore.  It seemed to me that everyone was only obsessed with victory, no matter what the cost.  I saw one daughter leave a soccer field in tears after being scolded by a coach.  I saw another have to sit out a game because she just wasn’t good enough.  (Required too much effort to coach, I was told.)  The third had to brave freezing temperatures only to sit out one half of a game while others played the game in its entirety.  Then the amazing happened.  A softball coach worked one-on-one for a good forty minutes to improve her batting.  This same softball coach told me about the golf course on the gravel road that runs through the trailer park where I met Henry Fonda, who worked with me one-on-one to improve my golf game.  Imagine that!  In two days I met two people who cared about an individual.  Alas, all hope is not lost.

 

I have decided that I am going to try to play the gold course at the end of the gravel road that runs through the trailer park more frequently so that I can improve on my golf game.  I hope that I will run into Henry Fonda again, so that I can show him how much I learned from him.  And to thank him for making me feel human again.

 

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