"The Fine Print", by Michael Schrader

A TESTIMONIAL TO MY MOTHER

(Written and posted 12 August 2010)

Today is my mother’s birthday. She is 82 and still going strong. Some would say that my mother did not accomplish anything meaningful in her life. She did not finish high school, as she quit to help support the family. She didn’t have a career; in fact, she hasn’t worked in over 50 years. Many women deem women like my mother to be a complete failure, for failing to “have a life” and “be independent” or have a career or her own identity. I however, consider her to be wildly successful, and a woman other women should look up to as a role model.

When my mother became a mother, she decided that her “job” was to be a homemaker, and that she did with a vengeance. Growing up, I never had to worry about chores; my job was to be a kid and to enjoy being a kid. I didn’t have to do the dishes or clean the house or cook dinner. I didn’t have to do the laundry or make my bed or clean the bathroom. All I had to do was be a well-behaved kid, do my homework, mind my parents, bathe myself, go to bed when I was supposed to, get dressed and off to school on time, and not do anything stupid that would embarrass my parents and bring the justified wrath of my father down upon my head. Looking back, I had a most excellent childhood, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

There are those who say that my mother spoiled us, that she was a bad mother for not making us do chores, that she didn’t teach us a work ethic. To them, I say – let the facts speak for themselves. There were five of us. All five of us have college degrees. All five of us were out on our own before the age of 21, and none of us looked back. All five of us have houses. None of us have been arrested or convicted of a felony. We are all respectful of our parents and our elders and each other, and even though we get into heated disagreements, we are still family and value those relationships.

Because my mother decided that her career was as a homemaker, that helped my father focus on his career, and because he could focus on his career, he could provide for us and we never had to worry. We went on vacations, and we never had to worry that we had to order the cheapest thing on the menu because he couldn’t afford it. We joined activities, and never had to worry if my parents could afford it. There were many days when my father had to work overtime and came home after we went to bed. I will admit, at the time, I resented it. However, being a father myself, I now understand. It was that overtime that allowed him to provide for us, so that we didn’t want for anything. (That doesn’t mean that we got everything we wanted, only that we could of if he had wanted us to.) My father never had to worry about making his employer mad by rushing home to cook dinner or take children to activities or bathe children, because he knew that my mother was there to do it. He never had to tell his bosses “no” because he had the peace of mind of knowing that my mother was there to cover his back. My mother chose to forgo a “career” and “independence” and “her own identity” to be a homemaker, and because of her sacrifice, our family thrived.

Someone told me decades ago that I wanted to marry someone like my mother; of course, back then I considered the idea preposterous, or so I said. I really didn’t, and it only took me twenty some-odd years to realize it. Yes, I really did want to marry someone like my mother, someone who would be content to stay at home and take care of the household and the cooking and the cleaning and the children so that I can focus on my career and hopefully be as successful of an engineer and a provider to my family as my father was. I have a wife who has chosen to follow in my mother’s footsteps, and that makes me very happy and proud.

I am very proud that my mother is my mother; she will always be the rock that my father and siblings and I can depend on. I regret that it has taken me so long to say it.

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