COMING SOON, TO A FAMILY NEAR YOU
Bigger is better. At least, that’s what the marketers tell us. Businesses are banking on the positive impression of expansion to draw in customers. Expansion, after all, is good. It is a sign of a vibrant and healthy business.
Well, then, I am pleased to announce that the Schrader family is vibrant and healthy. Yes, we’re expanding. Expansion is good.
Well at least I think so. There are those out there who think Mrs. Schrader and I are in the wrong. How could we? The argument goes that since the world is overpopulated, we need to exercise restraint and not contribute to its further overpopulation. To these I respond that my little chunk of the world, Arkansas, is NOT overpopulated, it can support more people, and I never told other people to live in places such as deserts that cannot support large populations, so I’m sure not going to punish myself for their stupidity. Frankly, if other countries of the world lack common sense, well, there is really nothing I can do about it. So back off.
Now there are those out there who think that our expanding family is a result of our Catholicism. You all know the old stereotype, so I am not even going to venture there. Of course, that is the most ludicrous thing I have ever, ever heard people say, but if it makes you happy to use religion as an explanation for things you do not understand, well, that’s okay. Just keep your opinions to yourself, okay?
Are we excited? You bet we are. However, with pregnancy comes nervousness. And anxiety.
Of course, the question that I have been asked countless times is what will happen if it is a girl. Well, I guess I’ll have four daughters. Of course, I know that my life will probably be--well, how can I say this politely?--nightmarish when they all become teenagers, but at least I have another eight years to prepare. And, Catholicism has its advantages when it comes to teenage daughters--we have convents. Many, many convents. The thought (or should I say threat) of convent life kept my three sisters in line!
Would I like a son? Sure. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t. However, I won’t be devastated if I have another daughter. Right now I have three very healthy, very bright, very beautiful children. And that, is what is the most important to me. As long as little Schrader #4 follows this legacy, I will be ecstatic.
It has been remarked that if this baby is a boy, I will most definitely not have anymore. To that I say: that is what your game plan may be, but it is not necessarily mine. If my parents had stopped after they had their son, I would not be here, which, personally, I think would be really bad. I enjoy life, and I am thankful that my parents did not stop with three girls and one boy. You see, I am number five, the second son.
Of course, my siblings liked to tease me that I was such a, well, different (or is that difficult?) child that my parents could not take the risk of having two of me and decided to stop at five. Of course, the thought of having two of me running around this world really is kind of scary, isn’t it? We could have done twice the damage!
Before I make a commitment about any future expansions of the family Schrader, I must get through this one, first. And, as any expectant parent can tell you, my opinion on that topic will change, sometimes rapidly, always in conjunction with Mrs. Schrader’s mood swings, throughout the next nine months.
Now comes the hardest part of any family addition ... the waiting. June seems so far away, but it will be here before we know it.
(Epilogue – little Schrader #4 was indeed a boy, as was little Schrader #5 and little Schrader #6. Little Schrader #7’s gender is still as yet unknown.)