"The
Fine Print", by M. H. Schrader
THE
JOY OF SELF-EMPLOYMENT
(Originally published 10 December 1997 in the “Neighborhood Journal”. Posted 06 October 2007.)
It's time to pass back in the great time
tunnel to the 1970s. To a it song from
a gentleman by the name of Eric Carmen.
A song called, "All By Myself".
Now , for those of you who are not music
buffs, "All By Myself" was Eric Carmen's testimony of his
career. You see, his band, "The
Raspberries", had broken up, and now Eric was embarking on a solo career. And for those of you who follow music, solo
careers are quite risky ventures. While
some artists, like The Eagles' Don Henley, for example, are quite successful as
a soloist, other artists, like Don's bandmates, are pretty much
flashes-in-the-pan. (This is my theory
as to why The Eagles, who can be heard cursing at each other on the last live
album before the breakup, got back together.)
Anyway, I have been thinking about Eric
Carmen as of late. You see, like Eric
two decades before, I am now flying solo.
That's right, I have officially joined the ranks of the
self-employed. (I should actually say
re-joined, as this is my second excursion into the land of the
self-employed.) And it is both scary
and exhilarating.
It's scary because I now no longer have
the security of knowing when and if my next pay check will arrive. It is indeed a very heavy thought when you
go to the grocery store and think to yourself, "Gee, I wonder when the
next time will be that I will be able to afford THIS luxury?" (I recommend that you don't think this
thought aloud, or people might, well, you know, look at you kind of oddly.)
It's exhilarating because I am my own
boss. If I want to work 60 hours a
week, that's my business. If I want to
take a day or two off, why that's my business, too. Of course, the downside is that as a self-employed person, I
don't get paid vacation or anything, so if I want to take a couple of days off,
well I need to work 60 hours a week to be able to afford to. After all, when you're self-employed, no
work means no money.
When you're self-employed, you realize how
many office perks you take for granted.
For example, insurance. Both
times that I have become self-employed I have been fortunate enough to be
carrying my own health insurance. A
very important thing to have. And also
very expensive. Of course, you don't
realize how expensive until you have to start paying a big chunk of change
every month. Someone else my be able to
conceal from me how much my insurance really costs by taking it out of my
paycheck in digestible sums; when I am paying myself, however, I know how much
the premiums are, so there is really no point in trying to disguise the fact
from myself by taking it out of my paycheck in small sums. Unless, of course, I think that one part of
my brain can fool another part; you know, make myself feel good about myself
and stuff like that.
Probably the number one convenience I miss
by being self-employed is the Xerox machine.
You don't realize how much you use the cotton-picking thing, and how
expensive copies really are, until you don't have one and have to run down to
the nearest Kinko's. When you start
having to pay for copies out of your own pocket, you tend to make only those
copies you need. Capitalism does
wonders for eliminating unnecessary paperwork.
Except for those interludes when I was
employed by others, Kinko's has been like a member of the family. In college, Kinko's was right across from
campus and was THE place to be. Hadn't
seen Joe for awhile? Why, just go down
to Kinko's and he'd be there.
Guaranteed. College professors
have this "habit" of assigning homework from books of which there is
only one copy, necessitating Xeroxing.
And a trip to Kinko's. After
all, why use the library copiers, which were 10 cents a pop, made terrible
copies (when they worked, which was only about half of the time), and were
notorious for eating dimes, when you could go to Kinko's with their good
machines and neat counting devices which allowed you to pay at the register?
By the way, if you need to reach me, you
know where I'll be.