“The Fine Print”, by Michael Schrader

WISHES FOR THE NEW YEAR

(Written 31 December 1997. Published in the Neighborhood Journal. Posted 22 June 2009.)

Well, it is the last day of 1997. Which means it is time to look ahead at 1998. For those of you who believe SOMETHING will happen at the millennium, that means that we only have two years left to say our peace with God. While I may not necessarily buy into the theory that the world as we know it will indeed cease to exist in two years, it really isn't that bad of an idea to make peace with God. Just in case. You never know what the future will bring.

It is customary at this time of year for columnists to publish either a recap of the past year or wishes for the next. Not wanting to break with columnist tradition, I will follow suit. However, I am going to skip the recap; after all, we've been there, done that. We all know what has happened in the past; we lived it. So, I will take this opportunity to express my wishes for the future, in no particular order of importance. Ready?

I wish that, in 1998, people will develop a sense of humor. Everybody is so serious all the time. It is really a downer. Laughter is the best medicine for what ails you, folks. Life can be a bummer sometimes; laugh about it. Because, quite frankly, I am sick and tired of hearing all you serious-all-the-time people whine and complain about every little nit-picky thing. If you want to be miserable every waking moment, that is your right, but leave me out of it. Life is just too short to take umbrage at every little thing, and although we may seem invincible, when the Creator says it is time to go, it is time to go, and who knows when that will be, so enjoy each and every day to the fullest, as it may be the last.

I wish that, in 1998, Arkansas drivers will learn how to drive. Yes, I know I am generalizing quite a bit, there are some good drivers out there, but per capita, it seems that we have the worst drivers in the United States. I have grown weary after the demolishment of my beloved Dodge to even park on the street anymore. Driving the freeways tends to make my blood pressure go up from stress, as it does not make me feel very comfortable to look in the rear-view mirror and see someone bearing down on me at 80 miles per hour. And this thing about having to weave in-and-out of cars on the expressway because some yahoo has decided that it is his civic responsibility to eliminate speeding and therefore he has the right to dwell in the fast lane going 40 just adds to the stress.

I wish that, in 1998, my beloved Missouri Tigers football team will either win the conference or a bowl game.

I wish that, in 1998, citizens across the state will have a mass conversion to Libertarianism and the open-mindedness that comes with it instead of feeling like it is their moral duty to tell others how to live their lives. It is one thing to vocally disagree about a lifestyle issue (and, I must admit, I do vocally disagree); it is quite another to be so close-minded as to try and impose your will on someone else because you don't agree with them. Think about how much more pleasant the world would be if we all were nice to each other and let a person make their own life choices (as long as it didn't hurt anyone else).

I wish that, in 1998, the "Neighborhood Journal" continues to grow and prosper. After all, the Journal has been good to me by allowing me to write my very own column for the past two years. I quite enjoy it, you know, and would like to continue writing well into the future, which will be possible as long as the Journal is. To your health, then, Journal.

Finally, and most importantly, I hope that the new little Schrader due to arrive in mid-1998 is healthy like his or her sisters are.

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