“The Fine Print”, by Michael Schrader

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(Written 17 September 1997. Published in The Echo. Posted 14 October 2009.)

I just happened to be standing in the entrance to the Library when I read the mindless drivel about the tattoo parlor. Let’s just say that it was a really good thing that I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, or else the librarians would have had a big mess on their hands. For some odd reason, images of commodes kept flashing through my head.

Let me backtrack and tell you that I have been writing columns on a regular basis since 1994. I started writing a column after being maliciously blasted by a bleeding heart who thought it would be really neat to insult me because I refused to give my pedigree when I was running for county judge back in Missouri. I actually had the gall to stick to issues and not personal items. From then until this past Valentine’s Day, my columns were social-political commentaries. Then, quite by accident, and to the pleasure of my editors, I wrote a humorous column, and have been writing humor ever since--until now that is.

I swore that I would no longer write political commentary, but after reading that column, I can bite my tongue no longer. I must speak up, before “The Echo” devolves into a student version of “The Arkansas Times”, a publication that did not hesitate to flat out lie about me about 18 months ago in the name of a story. (And, to top it off, had the audacity to refuse to print a correction until I identified myself as a fellow journalist and threatened to sue them, after which the correction that could not be printed “miraculously” appeared.) I was so disgusted with the tattoo column, that I put “The Echo” back into its rack, so as I write this, I do not know the name of the female person who wrote the column. I will say this--how dare you criticize the homeowners of the subdivision!

Speaking as a homeowner, I have the right the live without obnoxious uses nearby. I pay my property taxes. I have the right to preserve my neighborhood. I am sure that the owner of the tattoo parlor is a decent person, but quite frankly I would not want a tattoo parlor near my home, either. Let’s face it--tattoo parlors are not viewed with the same respect as say, a church, or a doctor’s office.

And remember--the good homeowners of Conway do not discriminate. For those of you who were not here last year, the homeowners successfully blocked Wal-mart from putting a Superstore on 286 next to a residential neighborhood. Is Wal-mart obnoxious? Absolutely.

We all have rights, including the right to own an obnoxious business. However, these rights end when they impede on others’ rights. Your right to fill your lungs with black tar ends when I have to breathe your smoke. Your right to display affection to your significant other ends when I have to see it. We are not islands; we live in a society. And part of living in a civilized society means that one must not infringe on others’ rights. Like the right to get a good night’s sleep without being woken up by drunken teenagers in the middle of the night. Like being able to park a car in the street without it being clobbered by some careless speeding clod. Like being able to drive my car down the street without having some moron trying to see what I have in my trunk.

It seems that as I get older, I get more conservative. It may be marriage, it may be parenthood, or it just may be age. I do know that the “me first” attitudes I see from the next generation scare me. After all, the next generation is the future leaders of this country, and with the hedonistic, “devil-may-care”, hedonistic attitudes like the kind expressed against the good homeowners of Conway, we are in sorry shape, indeed.

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