“The Fine Print”, by Michael Schrader

MR. SLEEP IS SORELY MISSED!

(Written 11 March 1998. Published in the Neighborhood Journal. Posted 23 June 2009.)

There are moments in a person's life when everything seems to converge at once. You know the type. You're cruising along the highway of life, minding your own business, just chillin' out and soaking in the scenery, when "WHAM!" reality strikes you head on. For me, the past few days have been one of those moments.

I don't have an explanation for it. It may be the stars. It may be little green men. It may be a right-wing conspiracy. I don't know the cause, all I know is that my friend, Mr. Sleep, seems to have taken a vacation this week.

Perhaps he didn't like the cold weather and went to Key West. I know I would if I had a chance. That's the problem. I don't have a chance. And I really wish Mr. Sleep had stuck around town this week. I could use him right now.

If I were a robot or some other mechanical being, Mr. Sleep's disappearance would not be as disturbing. After all, if one is an Android, does one really need Mr. Sleep? One would be built to go without him.

The reality of the situation, however, is that I am not an android, an automaton, or some other mechanical being. I am human, and I really need Mr. Sleep's companionship. But, I really do not see that happening in the foreseeable future.

Call it task overload. Call it being human. Call it the joy of working solo. You can call it whatever you want, thank you very much. I will call it miserable.

What makes it worse, is that I did not want Mr. Sleep to leave my life. I really like Sleep. But, alas, sometimes circumstances beyond our control force us to sacrifice something we deem important. In my case, it was my trusted nighttime companion, Sleep.

Without Sleep, I have begun to notice things that I really did not want to notice. Like how many people drive down the street at three in the morning. That I become much more clumsy and injury prone when I don't have Sleep. That my thoughts become much more logical and rational, which is quite scary in and of itself. That I start to see things that I ordinarily would not see.

What I wouldn't give for Sleep and his friend The Sandman to come around right now! Hah! Fat chance! There's just too much stuff to do, and I don't have the time to visit with either of them right now. You know, bills to pay, deadlines to meet.

Perhaps I have offended Sleep by not wanting him around. Maybe that's why Sleep left me! Oh, if only I had another chance! I would do things differently!

I've been looking at my calendar counting the days I've gone without Sleep, and hoping Sleep will return from Key West today. But, no such luck! The calendar has told me it will be a least a few more days. It is, after all, still a little bit chilly around these parts! If I had to leave Key West for this weather, I'd stay in Key West, too! No matter how much I was needed. After all, a vacation is a vacation. I don't blame Sleep one bit for not returning to me.

Well, I'm confident that this task convergence will surely pass, and that I will have the free time to visit with Sleep. Maybe not confident, but hopeful. I hope Sleep has a good time in Key West, because I plan to monopolize Sleep for a few days. Next week.

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