“The Fine Print”, by Michael Schrader
GETTING TO KNOW YOU, GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU
(Written 17 February 1999. Published in the Neighborhood Journal. Posted 19 June 2009.)
Substitute teaching for one of the
oral communications teachers at the local high school last week, the topic for
the day with the students was miscommunication.
Specifically, how people can misinterpret innocent
comments into something, well, not-so-innocent.
Interestingly enough, what started
off as a discussion about communication ended up as a discussion about the
human psyche.
It was suggested to me by several female students that a female who can
twist being told that she looks "warm and cozy" in a sweater on a
cold day into something sexual probably has something else going on upstairs,
something in her psyche that made her perceive an innocent remark as something
perverse and obscene. So, too, for the
fellow that, when demanding to know (from a man) what a woman said about him
(she said he had a nice gluteus maximus), took it as
some kind of homosexual come-on.
I must say that I agree that there
is something hidden deep inside each and every one of us that makes us react
the way we do. Otherwise, how can you
explain the seeming illogic of someone getting offended by the comment that
"going to church is good, and we should all have faith" as happened
when I made that comment in casual conversation in
The answer lies deep inside every
single one of us, hidden inside our psyche.
We all do things for a reason, no matter how illogical that reason may
seem to others. I do not buy into the
random theory of the universe, that everything happens
merely by chance. No, everything happens
for a reason, even if we do not understand the reason. I think it is important to try to understand
why.
I, for one, when dealing with
others, have a tendency to want to know about them on a personal level, and
want them to know about me on a personal level.
I have found that most people have a really hard time dealing with this. They don't want to know me on a personal
level, and they don't want me to know them personally. Yet, it is vital if we are to gain true
understanding of another, and only with true understanding can we truly succeed
in our day to day dealings with each other.
I tell people that if they really want to know who I am, read the
column, as the column is a reflection of myself, my
thoughts and philosophies. I feel that
if you get to know me, if you know what I have been through, if you know what
motivates me, you will understand why I do the things I do. I have had too many folks, friends, families,
and co-workers, shake their heads at my seeming
illogic; yet, to me, it is completely logical.
Logic is not objective, as Mr. Spock would have you believe; logic is
subjective, and it must be placed in the frame of reference of the person
applying it. What is logical in one
frame of reference is illogical in another.
I think one of the most
frustrating things that I have experienced in my life is the lack of honesty
with respect to who we are. We are all
human; we all have traumatic events in our life that shape our frame of
reference. In order for me to be able to
communicate with you, I need to know what is going through your mind, your
foibles, your psychoses, if you will.
Yes, it's a very tall order.
After all, there is always a chance we will be persecuted.
But, not everybody is
judgmental. And, a little bit of
honesty, a little bit of self-revelation, would go a long way to create mutual
trust and understanding. We need to take
the plunge; there are some ticking time-bombs out
there. The result of doing nothing could
be fatal.
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